Catching Hearts

cc Flickr shared by WolfS♡ul

I often say that when you become a parent you should just stamp the word “guilt” on your forehead and be done with it.

At the end of the day I look back and often feel regret.  I could’ve done better.  I could’ve loved more, could’ve been more present.  I lectured that boy too harshly, I didn’t respond to the request to play because I had to do dishes and pack lunches, I cut short bedtime reading because I had work to complete, I listened with only half an ear to the ‘who did what’ in the latest fight.  And that’s when I’m home.  Not to mention the guilt of missing a championship soccer game because I’m in the pharmacy…that was last week.

I read this exquisite post by Ann Voskamp, appropriately called “How to Make Any Relationship Better.”  In it she says:

Everyone is always saying only one thing: “I just want you to love me.”  But this is what I do.  I get caught up in tone and semantics, when I could just catch hearts.

Isn’t that the truth.  Adults and children alike look for the reassurance that we are loved.  Indirectly with our words and actions we say it over and over again but don’t recognize the root of it in each other.  In our impatience, our disagreements, our queries and requests of each other, the underlining current is “I need you to love me.”  But instead of recognizing the vulnerability behind our daily interactions with those we love, we focus on the minutiae, the unimportant, when really we could just catch hearts.

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4 comments on “Catching Hearts

  1. connie kurtenbach says:

    I think we have to practice living in the moment a lot. Mystics are mindful and must catch hearts. I like the idea of catching hearts…like a butterfly or a humming bird on you fingertip. Keep catching them!! it’s a great image.
    So loved seeing you this summer. You are so beautiful, smart and thoughtful.
    I cherish that day. Connie.xxxx…did you catch them?

    • coleksyn says:

      Thank you for the comment Connie. The metaphor is lovely, I agree. Thank you for the reminder on mindfulness and living in the moment. It is true that the being fully present to whatever task, person or situation we are in will often reveal the hearts that need catching.

  2. Great Post once again. You are such a great Mom, I was sad to learn you question this fact. I do think you are right, we many times give people what we indeed are seeking. If we don’t discover or talk about these preferences then there can be both missed opportunities and misunderstandings.

    Have you read the Five Love Languages? This is what helped me understand that we give others what in fact we are seeking.
    Thank you for your transparency, for indeed this is one of the reasons we value your work so much.

    Lisa

    • coleksyn says:

      Thank you for the comments Lisa. I appreciate your engagement and dialogue. I find that generally there is a continuum as far as parenting skills on any given day, some moments better than others. But I will fully admit to my A type personality in most things…always thinking I can do better!

      I have indeed read The Five Love Languages including the one on children and I can see subtle differences in my children. What I love about the Voskamp piece is she funneled it down to the underlying important point. There are times when I seem to be addressing the same thing with a child for the tenth interruption, when really, I indeed have not addressed the underlying current which is for them the reassurance that they are loved. I often assume they should know I love them.

      There’s some real wisdom in what Connie had to say as far as living in the moment. It is a difficult and requires constant mindfulness, but nothing shows love more than being fully present to the other.

      Again, you are an amazing engager and encourage those you engage with to stretch their thoughts.

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